Am I Hiding Who I Really Am?
“If people find out who I really am they won’t like me”
A client said this to me recently and it highlighted what I carried for years without even consciously saying it aloud.
We can become so worried that if people find out who we really are they won’t like us, which leaves us feeling vulnerable, afraid, anxious and shameful.
We never really feel safe because we are always expecting that moment when we are ‘exposed’
We will let people in but only so far, in case they see ‘the real us’ – so we sabotage relationships out of self-protection. We get them before they get us!
We have an, ‘expectation’ that people won’t like us when they first meet us or that they only like a ‘portion of us’ Then what we do is try to present them with the aspects of ourselves that we think they’ll like so we only give a part of ourselves. So we are the ones creating that barrier from the start!
Just loving ourselves isn’t enough if we perceive others don’t. Even when I learned how to love myself, I nurtured myself, stood up for myself, had great boundaries etc. but I still struggled to be loved by others because deep down I still had a perception that I was somehow flawed.
Then we run around with this ‘defect’ that we think is inevitably going to self-destruct us meaning we never really feel good enough or that we can connect fully or truly be one with everyone
I know a lot of coaches and healers have an element of this. They feel they need to hide it even more because if people really knew what was going on what would that say about them as a professional?
So where does this concept come from?
- Not feeling good enough for a particular parent,
- Parents, siblings, loved ones saying “You should be ashamed of yourself!” or “Why did you do that? What’s wrong with you? Are you stupid?” or “What were you thinking? You obviously weren’t thinking” and “Why don’t you think of someone other than yourself for once”
- Teachers – Why can’t you be like everyone else?
- Friends – you’re weird looking” or “You’re strange”
- Religion/god – you will be punished for your sins
All these things slowly build up to the confirmation that we’re not good enough or inadvertently flawed.
One of the most transformational shifts happened for me when I experienced the Quantum Shift Process.
In this life-changing process I got to see that everything I had experienced that led me to not feeling good enough was a lie and everything shifted after that.
For more information click on the above link or contact me for a free 15-minute consultation to see if it is a good fit for you.
Sending BIG love