Sex or connection?
I was pondering what sex means to me as I lay in bed this morning. I have had many forms of sex in my life, rough, slow, gentle, boring, wild, passionate, exciting, dirty, fast, slow, naughty and so on, but the actual physical act of it isn’t what does it for me.
Now don’t get me wrong it is fun and exciting and stimulating and all that, but there always seems to be something missing in the physicality of all.
I have had sex both with strangers and lovers as well as short and long-term partners and if I am to be really honest about it – the physical act has something missing.
I get there is balance in it … both pleasure and pain but I always knew there was more to it than that. You know when you are vaguely aware of something in your life sometimes and it’s not until you stop to ponder it and keep digging at it and under it until you come to an understanding of it that fits … or for me because I am clear sentient, (meaning I intuitively feel things) a feeling that resonates for me.
Here’s what I came up with:
The part I love the most and have always loved is the connection I feel. When I am inside a woman there is a connection that is like no other. It has very little to do with the physical sensations. I feel her being from the inside – souls entwined absolutely and unequivocally. She has let herself be as vulnerable as she can (in most cases, not all) and let me into the sacred chamber of her inner most being.
Of course I have also let go … of inhibitions, limitations and small-minded idiosyncrasies and allowed myself to be joined in this vulnerability … this act of connecting. And when we can both wait and prolong orgasm as long as possible and share this orgasmic, explosive, electrifying experience at the same time it powerfully heightens the connection.
There is the feeling during and afterwards that – I know this person like I never could have before and we have shared something so intimate and magical that nothing could take that away from us.
I am not saying that this is the only way to feel a connection or that this outweighs any other, but it is also important to me. I also understand there are times when this connection doesn’t take place … when sex is just sex … but how boring and unfulfilling I have found that to be.
I have recently been without sex for about two years … the longest time ever in my life in order to get to know myself without it. I have come to realise (no pun intended) that it isn’t as important as I had made it out to be. At least not the way I was using it, as a purely physical animalistic gratification. I feel ready to explore new heights now with a loving, connected and conscious partner.